Being the massive Girls und Panzer fan that I am, Panzer Knights was an easy game to sell to me. It also helps that I enjoy tank-based shooters in general, but haven't been able to get into the big multiplayer games that dominate that genre these days. A singleplayer option with an anime aesthetic was very welcome. Yet while I am not prepared to accuse its developers of making a lazy game to cash in on GuP's success, I certainly feel that Panzer Knights could have done more to not invite such criticisms in the first place.
Developed by Taiwanese studio Joy Brick, Panzer Knights is an anime-fied take on World War 2. You are put in a command of a newly-trained panzer unit, just ahead of the German invasion of Poland. From there the campaign covers many of the major battles of the war. Though curiously—or perhaps suspiciously—only doing so from the German perspective.
Driving your tank is very simple. It utilizes standard WASD controls while you rotate the camera (and by extension your turret) with the mouse. You aim with Shift and can use the number keys to activate abilities or switch to different ammo types. While each tank has its nuances, they all use the same controls and have the same exact skills.
My first impression of Panzer Knights was that it seemed narrow in scope. That many elements that you would expect to be there were in fact missing. Entire battles play out with nothing but tanks on the field. There's no planes, no soldiers. Sometimes there are scripted events where you encounter bunkers or endure air raids, but these are invisible forces that you face. Even the AT-guns are manned by invisible ghost soldiers. This get particularly ridiculous in one mission where you're told to weed out guerrillas, only to find out these are actually a full tank division hiding in the bushes. The absence of infantry also means there's no need (or option) to use your machine guns. Nor are there mines or tank traps or most other hazards you'd expect on a World War 2 battlefield.
While these absences can be explained as the game wanting to focus on just tank battles, what can't be excused is the ridiculous AI. In that it's regularly just not present at all. Enemy tank divisions will just be sitting still in the open waiting for you to shoot them before their AI activates. At which point you'll either see every enemy on the map instantly charge right at you or just the one vehicle you hit. While his buddies right next to him remain dormant until it's their turn to be shot. Even when they're active, the AI is prone to all manner of silliness. They get into massive pile-ups and traffic jams, aimlessly drive into obstacles, or repeatedly shoot at nothing.
Panzer Knights can get quite exciting when it actually works. When the AI behaves and you get these dramatic battles with plenty of surprise developments. It's satisfying to land a shot and see all the notifications for what you damaged pop up. Tactically taking out the enemy tracks or turret, before swinging around and striking at their engine. The controls may be simple, but actually landing shots and making strategic decisions still requires ample skill. Making it a shame how rare such moments actually are.
It's also a hard game. Especially if you get into a situation where every enemy beelines it for you specifically. Their aim is absurdly good and they only need a few good hits to do you in. Having an enemy show up in your rear or getting surrounded was often a death sentence. Sometimes even a (un)lucky shot straight from the front could prove to be a random instant-kill. At which the point the game's complete lack of checkpoints became a major issue.
Each mission has several stages and side-objectives to complete, including tough gimmick sections or alternate fail states. Most of them take well over 30 minutes to complete at minimum. If you mess up at any point or get blown up, it's right back to the main menu. You need to sit through several loading screens and try from the very start, each and every time.
You do get medals, regardless of whether you completed a full mission or not. These can be used to buy better tanks or hire new crew. Each crew member can then also be leveled up to improve what bonuses they give. Though in yet another example of the game lacking features you'd expect, there's no restriction on what crew you can have. It pretends like each slot matches a certain role, but you can just take multiple drivers, have the turret operator be the commander, or not bring certain people at all. It doesn't matter. They're just anime stickers that magically make your shells hit harder.
Another sore point is the environmental design; both from a technical viewpoint as well as an artistic one. The game's textures are barely-okayish for a smaller project like this and the game's library of scenery is slim. Sometimes it manages a mildly convincing city or a cozy farmstead, but most terrain is just empty space and foliage. Yet the game struggles to depict even that much.
The rendering distance would be embarrassing on a Nintendo 64. Enemies, objects, and geography only pop into view when your mere meters away from them. All the while you're seeing terrain load into more detail even as you're basically on top of it already. Despite these below-par graphics, Panzer Knights also struggles to maintain a decent framerate. Any moderately-sized battle will see the performance dip well below a level where it's comfortable to play the game. This on a machine that has no problems running Elden Ring, I should add. Hell, Dream Tank Match looks and runs far better while playing on a Nintendo Switch.
Then there is the story. Panzer Knights distinctly feels like it was written by one of those annoying history nerds that specifically only cares about World War 2. It's more concerned with proving it can give you a day-by-day breakdown of Germany's invasions than it is with weaving that info into an entertaining story. Visual novel cutscenes drag on for way too long as they recount every bit of historical trivia that comes to mind. Most of which doesn't matter in slightest for the actual missions you then embark on afterward.
Yet for all this info dumping that the game loves to do, its story still ends up being a shallow interpretation of the war. As I joked earlier, its exclusively interested in covering the German perspective and, even then, only its most prominent highlights. A lot of historical context is missing, to the point that entire nations go unmentioned. What's even the point of making us read this much text when the end result is this shockingly incomplete?
This culminates into an awkward climax where the game just kind of ends after the Battle of Kursk. Seemingly having no interest whatsoever in presenting the less glorious days of the German army. One final victory, capped off by one last exposition dump summing up the entire rest of the war.
Even if you can look past the game's obsession with Nazi Germany, the story is still painful to sit through. The translation is rough to the point of frequently being incomprehensible. Sentences are too long and often make no sense. There are typos everywhere and verbs are frequently written in the wrong tense. On top of that, Panzer Knights regularly tries to act cultured by mixing in German. Making dialogue even more unreadable while adding little to the experience. You already gave all the anime characters (the wrong) Nazi outfits. You don't have to keep reminding us that these are supposed to be German soldiers.
If Panzer Knights sounds like a game you'd want to play, then really just get Dream Tank Match or hop back into an online tank game. Whether you're here for the anime aesthetic or the raw tank-on-tank action, Panzer Knights is marred by so many frustrations that it's not worth supporting. It's not expensive at just $9.99, but what does that get you? A tank game with the most amateurish AI you've seen outside of pure shovelware? An awful story whose translation borders on the unusable? These graphics?
Even if you're desperate for more anime tank goodness, you deserve better than this.
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