Of all the games on this marathon, Conker's Bad Fur Day is the only one I actually dreaded having to replay. I played through the first few levels of it years ago and didn't like it. In fact, I disliked it so much that I gave my copy of the game away to a friend. I didn't even want to keep it for the sake of my collection. A decision that I have only gotten more confident in, having now played the game in full.
Conker's Bad Fur Day has two claims to fame. Or perhaps calling it infamy is more appropriate, given that the first reason is its crude comedy. While previous Rareware titles were kid-friendly cartoon games with the occasional edge to them, Conker's Bad Fur Day is all edge all the time.
It's an M-rated game that retains the cartoon style, but mixes it with ample amounts of violence and adult humor. When the characters aren't getting brutally murdered, they piss and shit and vomit their way through most interactions. You can't go ten steps without being farted at or running into some crass cutscene involving sex, alcohol, or ultraviolence. Dialogue is a nonstop barrage of profanity and most characters behave like complete assholes.
That all certainly helped set the game apart in the Nintendo 64 library, but I only laughed once during the entire game. The battle with the Great Mighty Poo is brilliant for sure and—deservedly—the one moment that always comes up when this game is discussed. But the rest of the comedy is so weak by comparison. It's juvenile, repetitive, and oftentimes just plain awkward.
This also certainly feeds into my dislike for the game. It garnered a lot of interest in the internet era, when many Nintendo 64 kids discovered the game retroactively. It's funny to know that there was such a strange, raunchy game hidden away from us on the console that defined our childhoods. One not just made by the developer behind our favorite games, but starring a character that featured in Diddy Kong Racing of all things. Yet I feel we should be cautious not to conflate that interesting bit of history with actual quality. Conker's Bad Fur Day is not an automatic classic of the Nintendo 64 just because it's a Rareware adventure with swear words and poop in it. Alluding to such does a great disservice to the legacy of both the console and the developer itself.
Its second claim to fame is much more agreeable, however. Conker's Bad Fur Day was the last big game release for the Nintendo 64. Only Dr. Mario 64 could potentially be said to hold that honor instead, but Conker was very much the last hurrah for 3D platformers on the system. Something that is very much reflected in its technical achievements.
The game looks gorgeous. It's colorful and elaborate, with sizable, complex levels that avoid the draw distance issues of many N64 games that preceded it. There's neat visual effects all over, such as running water with bubbles in it, or a mountain of poo that has constant motion to it. Conker too is a flexible character with detailed animations and a range of emotional expressions. It's a shocking contrast when put next to Banjo and Kazooie, who rarely express any emotions throughout their adventure. Usually just standing perfectly still with passive expressions as they exchange dialogue.
On that note, the game has dialogue. Spoken dialogue. All of it, this time. It was impressive when Donkey Kong 64 had just the 1 fully-voiced cutscenes, but now we have an entire adventure where every line is voice-acted. It's impressive work too with a range of actors and many different, silly stereotypes. The audio is perfectly clear too. I never had any trouble making out what characters were saying and, even if I did, they still kept the speech bubbles anyway. A decision that also keeps the game accessible to those with hearing issues. Good on ya, Rare.
While Conker's Bad Fur Day deserves praise for its visuals and audio, I do worry that these achievements came at the cost of gameplay depth. Because playing Conker's adventure, it really doesn't feel like the follow-up to such robust 3D games like Banjo-Kazooie or Jet Force Gemini.
Conker is a sluggish yet slippery character to control. His jumps feel clunky and too weighty, making any challenge that requires actual platforming feel daunting. Meanwhile, his main method of attacking is slapping people with a frying pan. A move that rarely works on anything and is also very hard to connect. Some of the most frustrating parts of the game are actually those where you have to hit a moving target with Conker's pan. The AI always turns around just as it gets within range, so if you're too early or too late, they slip just past your strike as the animation plays out.
Many of the shortcomings in the design of the game's challenges feel amateurish too. You got platforming over instant-death hazards, which lock you at awkward camera angles. You're jumping between robes dangling over certain death, but you can't get the camera lined up behind you. It's a weird sideways view that leaves the actual position of the rope relative to Conker just vague enough that you might mess up. And because Conker is such a log, you may not have a chance to correct your mistake mid-jump.
Or, in another camera issue, there's no first-person view. If you want to look around the environment to maybe figure out what you're meant to do, the camera goes behind Conker. This needlessly limits the range you can look around it and frequently results in the camera getting stuck or not positioning itself correctly. And for what purpose? Just have a first-person view like every other game, darn it.
There are smaller issues as well. Too many to get into individually. But the biggest problem by far is that the objectives you're asked to do just aren't fun. Like you get to the first area and there's a mouse who you need to bring cheese. The cheese is at the end of a path with some hazards on it, which aren't too hard to bypass. So you go there, grab the cheese, bring it back, and that's done right? No. You need to do that 3 times. It doesn't get harder or changes up in any way whatsoever, you just do the same exact chore 3 times. This also repeats in another area where you need to grab 3 cogs, all of which are in the same area behind a short underwater challenge. In fact, there's plenty of examples where you need to repeat the same actions over and over again.
If it's not repetition, it's just made frustrating. Either because of those aforementioned (camera) issues or because it's deliberately designed to be a pain in the ass. You want to get to that iconic fight with the Great Mighty Poo? First you have to slowly roll a ball up this enormous hill with enemies who will constantly try to push it off, forcing you to restart. Once you've done that you need to do it again, but across a different path this time. What fun! Especially if you mix up the paths at the start and only realize you're stuck once you get to the end.
In the first level you need to find 5 clusters of bees, but if you enter any other subzone of that world, your progress resets. It resets so thoroughly, in fact, that you need to rewatch the cutscenes even. In the prehistoric world you need to escort a dinosaur over some narrow paths while its AI just stops following you constantly. There are elaborate, underwater mazes even though Conker runs out of air in seconds. Challenges involving projectile weapons where you have no reticle, even though Banjo-Tooie did have just that. Every mment in Conker is just always such a pain in the ass to play.
Conker's Bad Fur Day attempts to wield its comedic leanings as an excuse. An excuse for its lackluster gameplay, an excuse for its awful controls and camera, and an excuse for its uninteresting objectives. But frankly, the state of the game is inexcusable. This entire console generation revolved around figuring out how to do 3D action games right, yet Conker's Bad Fur Day plays worse than even the earliest 3D titles. If it weren't for its technical prowess and novelty as a M-rated cartoon game, it would be compared to the likes of Bubsy 3D.
If you're drawn to the game for its crass humor, I respect that. Tastes differ and all that. Even then, I would recommend looking up a Let's Play over playing Conker's Bad Fur Day yourself. You get all the raunchy jokes with none of the frustration.
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